IF YOU NEED ME

Yr not alone
You are not alone

Why’d you take the dive?
Why’d you get so high?
Why didn’t you call me?

You got one day now
It’s the first day now
You had a lost of first days
This year, babe

I thought you waved
When I saw you drown
As your heart gave out

If you need me
I’ll be there, babe
I’ll be with you
I’ll come running
If you need me

You could’ve killed yourself
You could’ve killed someone else
I wish that you’d called me

But that’s alright
I never did mind
You can do your own thing, baby
& I’ll do mine

If you need my help 
I’m just a call away
& I’ll always say

“If you need me
I’ll be there be, babe
I’ll be with you
I’ll come running
If you need me”

You don’t have to sober up
Or wait until you self-destruct
I don’t care what you are on
When you curse the birds for singing songs
When yr home’s a cheap motel
When yr stuck inside yourself
When your mind is a jail cell
When you start to fall from hell
You know where I’ll be

If you need me
I’ll be there be, babe
I’ll be with you
I’ll come running
If you need me

BORN TOO BLUE

When I think about my past
Fastened tight & out of touch
Steady rhythm of my rolling dreams
They all burned out like the sun
They all burned out for they're done

I was born too blue

I forget my steadfast daydreams
Plenty I begot before
I will listen for your footsteps dear
There’s the crashing of the shore
Caught you crashing on the floor

I was born too blue

There you go slipping something in my drink
Catching bullets in your teeth
Saw me in half
Talk to the staff 
I never meant to make a scene

She stuck her hair with flowers
And she caked her neck with dirt
She stood out in the rain to show
Growing flowers doesn’t hurt
Playing crazy doesn’t work for her

I was born too blue

Mercury Avenue

Life flashed before my eyes
I am alone
I took too much this time
I want to go home

No, I don’t wanna die
Please I’m afraid to die
God, I don't want to die anymore

You give me something to believe in
& now I know it’s really true
I thought that I was only dreaming
Out here on Mercury Avenue

I know how to stay alive
I’ve been here before
I roll onto my left side
Keep my eyes open
Reach for the floor

Help me I’ve changed my mind
Please, I just need more time
Just give me one more night in your arms

You give me something to believe in
& now I know it’s really true
I thought that I was only dreaming
Out here on Mercury Avenue

I won’t let go
I can’t hold on
I can’t give up now
Give me one more chance
I won’t get it wrong

You give me something to believe in
& now I know it’s really true
I thought that I was only dreaming
Out here on Mercury Avenue

HEY MAX

My name is Max & I’m an alcoholic
I’m an enlightened hedonist
I’m a glutton for punishment
I am a miracle
I am beautiful

That’s something that I’ve never said before
There’s nothing I’ve never heard before
If somebody wants to slit my throat
They’ll have to turn me on before they get me off

I want someone to say, “Hey Max, it’s gonna be alright”

I’m drinking vodka almost every night
I am the hero of the songs I write
If the cops come & take my dope
They’ll have to break my bones
I’m on a permanent loan

I pray to nothing every single night
In search of truth & universal light
I want the ultimate reality
The Santa Ana winds
The divine within

& I want someone to say, “Hey Max, it’s gonna be alright”

Robert Creeley & Walt Whitman
George Saunders & Todd Baron
Henry Miller & Anais Nin
John Cassavetes
Stevie Smith & the Tao te Ching

Jesus Christ & Baba Ram Dass
The Maharishi & St. John of the Cross
Sam Harris & Thich Nhat Hahn
Cumberland Heights
Bill & Dr. Bob

& I want someone to say, “Hey Max, it’s gonna be alright”
Alright

In The Backseat

Sorry it’s a mess
You can throw all that in the backseat with the rest
Of the evidence
& the ghosts of the backseat

There’s a wig left over from Halloween
Parking tickets
Unread magazines
& a collar from a dog that’s not mine anymore

In the backseat tonight

Time slips from work
Cans of La Croix
7 empty packs of diet cigarettes
A lot of my stains & yr stains & her stains & our stains

Pair of white sneakers a half size too small
Used books of matches
2 tabs of 3-year-old acid
& a wet bathing suit in a ziplock bag
So the mold doesn’t travel

To the backseat tonight

A self-help book I bought for someone else
& a 10 page letter I could’ve written myself
About what a sick motherfucker I am

A Sonny Rollins CD in a Bryan Ferry case
Breast cancer awareness hot pink keychain mace
That I bought for her
But I keep now

In the backseat tonight

Expired registration
A polaroid from high school of me & Adam
& a girl we were in love with

A box filled with clothes for Good Will
I tried to sell to the girls at Squaresville
But they want Fall designer clothes
Hey man
It makes me feel like a saint or a least not myself

In the backseat again

There must be something of hers she forgot to take
Her chapstick
A sock
Her hair ties
Her bobby pins
Whatever it is
don’t throw it out
Just throw it in the backseat

I pulled over and slept in the backseat
I went off my meds in the backseat
I drive much better from the backseat
I get carsick in the backseat
I went down on her in the backseat
I OD’d in the backseat
The things we lose carry so much weight
Everything I lost takes up so much space

In the backseat tonight