AMERICAN ZEN
Righteous indignation
Living in a bubble
Emotional vacation
Acting like an asshole
I get high & I get low
I get sick & it gets old
I flushed the drugs again
Deleted numbers of my dealers
I’ve got untreated trauma
& I can’t afford my feelings
I’m still waking up inside me
Expecting someone different
I got lost in self-reflection
& I wonder where my day went
I get high & I get low
I get hot & I get cold
My mother was a snake & my father was a snake
But that don’t make me a snake
That makes me crawl out of my skin
With my Rumblefish haircut & my white Repetto shoes
I’m killing myself with this American zen
I get high & I get low
I get sick & it gets old
I get high & I get low
It gets hot & I get cold
I replace the coke with booze
I replace the booze with sex
I replace the sex with food
I replace the food with TV
I replace TV with sleep
I replace the sleep with dreams
I replace the dreams with shame
I replace the shame with guilt
I replace the guilt with god
I replace the god with money
Replace money with tattoos
Now I’m covered in tattoos
I’m black-out in a breakdown
I breakdown in a black-out
ASSEMBLY LINE
I’m down on the assembly line
Believing in my 5 to 9
Still I find myself lost & alone
The feeling goes, but it’s never gone
I’ve worked here
For 2 years
I try to get to work on time
Boss goes home
I get stoned
I grow my own
He knows that I know he knows
I’m down on the assembly line
Believing in my 5 to 9
Still I find myself lost & alone
The feeling goes, but it’s never gone
I want to be
More than me
More than what has come before
Rock and roll
Save my soul
It’s the only thing I know
Put me down on the assembly line
Believing in my 5 to 9
Still I find myself lost & alone
The feeling goes, but it’s never gone
Shit
I’m so depressed
I’m so depressed
I’m so depressed
I’m so depressed
The left to right
The right to left
The right to dream
Is all that’s left
I’ll end it all
I tried it once
I did it right
How’d I go wrong?
I had it all
I knew it all
I blew it all
I blew it all
NO ONE HAS TO KNOW
I’ll be yr priest
Baby, I’ll be yr fool
I’ll be yr shrink
But, baby, I won’t charge you
& when you cry in the morning
I won’t ask you to stop
Don’t leave me without warning
I don’t care what it costs
Yr on loan
I’ll be yr New Orleans
Show me, show me, baby
No one has to know
I’ll be yr bitch
To prove that I am a man
You turn me on
You turn on me cuz you can
& the rain’s always pouring
But I like it a lot
You say it might start storming
You hope that we get caught
Yr on loan
I’ll be yr Amsterdam
Show me, show me, baby
No one has to know
CRIMES OF PASSION
I thought I destroyed the tapes
Thought you could crack a safe
I’m sick of tripping the alarm
You think I drink too much
I don’t think you drink enough
Yr always stopping where I start
Caught in crimes of passion
Here I stand
I wait for yr command
& throw up both my hands
& meet all yr demands
& if you just let go
I cannot lift it on my own
Back in my acting days
I went through a social phase
(That’s not a threat,
That’s a disguise)
You don’t have any friends
I slept with most of them
I’ve got statistics on my side
Caught in crimes of passion
Here I stand
I wait for yr command
& throw up both my hands
& meet all yr demands
& if you just let go
I cannot lift it on my own
You knew what I was
Yr not what I want
I’m pleading not guilty ‘til the charges are dropped
I won’t sell us out
They won’t hear a sound
Except the beating of my heart
Caught in crimes of passion
Here I stand
I wait for yr command
& throw up both my hands
& meet all yr demands
& if you just let go
I cannot lift it on my own
BAD DIRECTIONS
Caller unknown
& you got no reception
I follow you home
Cuz you give bad directions
It was 2:01 when the lights came on
You closed yr tab
I’m getting numb
I want another round
I’m drunk & high & I shouldn’t drive
1 lane to yr left
2 cars behind
It’s alright, it’s ok, I know where we’re going
Are you feeling what I’m feeling?
Are you feeling like you wanna be my girl?
Turn off yr phone
You know I need yr attention
I ask for yr code, but you say “No”
You don’t use protection
I never lied (maybe once or twice)
I’m the beast of love
I’m parked outside
I think I’m breaking down, baby
Got a French goodbye with an Irish kiss
& I lost my mind while making lists
It’s alright, it’s ok, I know where it’s going
Are you feeling what I’m feeling?
Are you feeling like you wanna be my girl?
When the floor becomes the ceiling
The room is spinning & you wanna be my girl
I didn’t know you had a bath
That’s something modern, me too
What’s this color called?
I’d like to paint my walls with you
This is my confession
I want punishment
Discipline me
You are my obsession
When you came inside like I wanted
I had a feeling that you want me to
I’m gonna hold you down
My appetite keep me up all night
I’m hungry
What I want, I bite
It’s alright, it’s ok, I don’t know where we’re going
Are you feeling what I’m feeling?
Are you feeling like you wanna be my girl?
When the floor becomes the ceiling
The room is spinning & you wanna be my girl
RICH MAN’s WORLD
When I get money
I put it in my nose
The truth is ugly
I wanna overdose
Acting like money
Is a physical idea
So arbitrary
Yr my obsession turned into a career
I didn’t wanna lie to myself
That’s why I lie to everyone else
I try to fight it
Then I try to hide it
I can’t control myself
Got no self control
It seems like the fame is wasted on the famous
& it was always gonna be a rich man’s world
I saw yr country
Mine’s bigger than yrs
I’m the kinda guy that likes the kinda girl
That’s using seasons as verbs
I paid to stand in line in LA
Cuz I’m afraid of losing my place
I try to fight it
But I can’t deny it
I can’t control myself
Got no self control
It seems like the shame is wasted on the shameless
& it was always gonna be
I tried so hard to look so bad
I gave my money
Everything I had
To prove I was right
To prove I’m alive
To prove that I’m something that somebody likes
My Persian rug
My weight in gold
The weight of the world & the weight of a soul
Tremble in fright
Bet you’ll come out tonight
I try to fight it
Then I try to hide it
I can’t control myself
I can’t control myself
It seems like the danger’s wasted on the dangerous
& it was always gonna be
I try to fight it
But I can’t deny it
I can’t control myself
Got no self control
It seems like the fame is wasted on the famous
& it was always gonna be a rich man’s world
BOWIE’s DEAD
I know what it’s like to disappear
I know what it’s like to live in fear
I know what it’s like to lose all trust
I know what it’s like to fall in lust
I know what it’s like to be a cuck
I know what it’s like to be a schmuck
I know what it’s like to say, “thanks & you?” instead of “hi”
I know what it’s like to wish your parents both would die
Bowie’s dead
I know what it’s like to not know if the moon is full
& I know what it’s like to not feel anything at all
I know what it’s like to be the brokest man in Gucci shoes
I know what it’s like to Google “how to tie a noose”
I know what it’s like to not know why yr telling lies
I know what it’s like to wake up stuck in the same life
I know what it’s like to not have gods
I know what it’s like to cheat on people that you love
Bowie’s dead
But I’m not dead
& yr not dead
PRESCRIPTION FOR THE BLUES
I’m there with you
Drunk at Veselka
Eating cold borscht
Watching Philip Glass
get sick in his skullcap
From eating chicken pot pie
I’m there with you
Drunk in the morning
Looking up symptoms
Of sociopaths
& finding similar behavior
In myself & in you
I’m there with you
Drunk while my best friend
Is jerking me off
I convince him to blow me
With coke dick
Longing to cum
Then obsessing about AIDS
I’m there with you
Drunk with the spins
Sitting on the toilet
Looking in the mirror
On Micheltorena
Apologizing to my younger self
About wasting my good looks
I’ve got the unmedicated blues
I’ve got the hyperbolic blues
I’ve got the homosapien blues
I’ve got a prescription for the blues
I’m there with you
Drunk when you told me
He raped you
& I reacted by saying,
“I know him.
He didn’t seem like a rapist”
I’m there with you
Drunk at a funeral
Making it about me
Not thinking of your feelings
You had to console me
She was yr mother
I’m there with you
Drunk with Swiss privilege
Not knowing the language
Exhausted from doing nothing
In Europe all summer
I’m there with you
Drunk thinking the world
Definitely doesn’t revolve around me
But simultaneously revolves around me
& somehow this is God’s punishment
For years of being a fool
I’ve got the narcissistic blues
I’ve got the spiritually vacant blues
I’ve got the under-appreciated genius blues
I’ve got the prescription for the blues
SWEAR TO GOD
It crossed my junkie mind
I crossed my heathen heart
One more time
I swear to God
I swear to God
With an open mind
Don’t wake me up
Let me die
I need one body above me
And one underneath
I’ve forgotten how to pleasure
I need some relief
I swear to God
I feel like I haven’t smiled in weeks
I don’t know what I want
I just know it’s not me
All my pain is so cliché
I hope that it will go away
I know the steps I need to take
To feel gesundt
To feel great
But I’m so lazy
I’m so scared
I’ll never get anywhere
I swear to God
I think that God
Forgot bout me
So I swear to God
So she’ll hear me
I swear to God
One more bite
One more fix
One more line
One more sip
One more sign
One more chance
One more song
One more dance
One more bump
One more kiss
One more schtup
One more shift
I swear to God
One more night
Fill my god-shaped-hole
I’m getting fat
You’re getting old
I swear to God
THIS MANIC MOMENT
When you hate everyone
I will love you
No matter what
When you want to beat pretty people up
I will love you
No matter what
When you want to be called a slut
I will love you
No matter what
Do do do run run run run
When yr throwing grenades to see the light
Going method
Doing research
Crossing yr eyes
When things get good you gotta blow it up
You want to explode
You want to erupt
When you eat with yr hands
& paint straight from the tube
When the night seems endless
You’ve got everything to loseI will love you no matter what
When you hate everyone
From the award-winning director that brought you the holocaust
Yr defenses are low
All bets are off
When the diet stops working so you get into crystals
& the crystals don’t work so you suck on a pistol
When yr friends steal yr moves
When yr friends steal yr songs
When you need a new mantra
Cuz the one that you paid for sucks
Do do do run run run do do do do run
In this manic moment
So different & new
Was like any other
Until I hit you
Do do do run run run run
W8 4 U
I was shot in the back
I won’t come back
Break up & you break down
I was getting used on a one-way-track
I could not be bound
Always complained
I’m a little insane
I’m about 5 foot 9
I was letting go & I disappeared
& you weren’t on my mind
You aren’t on my mind
I was never gonna wait for you
Passing through
Name spelled wrong
But still on my arm
Underneath a rattlesnake
Dude even said,
“Want an angel instead?”
But I don’t make mistakes
Getting me away from you
Any way
Now I’m running out of time
When I was young
Baby, I’m still young
I laid it on the line
I’ll lay it on the line
I was never gonna wait for you
Passing through
From the moment I’ve forsaken you
I’ve got nothing left to take from you
I am a part of all that I’ve met
Follow me down the line
I could get some more from a distant shore
I’ll leave you behind
I’m leaving you behind
I left you behind
I was never gonna wait for you
Passing through
WHO AM I?
I am not the body
I am not the mind
I am not the spirit
Who am I?
I am not my birth
I am not my death
I am not my life
Who am I?
I was only having fun
Hold me in your palms now
Sing me in your psalms now
Step down off the cross into the light
Because it might take awhile
I am not my story
I am not emotions
I am not my feelings
Who am I?
I am without form
I am without limit
Beyond space & time
Who am I?
I was only having fun
Hold me in your palms now
Sing me in your psalms now
Whisper to me sweet names
You tell me I’m not insane
I know where yr going
Step down off the cross into the light
Because it might take awhile
BABY I WANNA BE YOUR LOVER TONIGHT
Here I am
I’m anybody
I can be anyone
I can be anything
I get high
I am yr junkie
I’ll shoot you
I’ll smoke you
I’ll snort you
Until I’m not me
I’m yr muse for statues & sonnets
Call upon me & I’ll sing to you
I gave up on being a poet
Now I’m immortal in marble & pose in the nude
Baby I want to be yr lover tonight
Raise my hand
Yr volunteer from the audience
The magician’s assistant
You can saw me in half
I’m a dirty old man
I’ll be yr husband
Yr sacrificial lamb or yr golden calf
Baby I want to be yr lover tonight
Baby when you say yr coming
Don't you know I know its true?
Cuz baby I’m coming for you
This is me
This is my body
This is who I am
& what I’ve become
Lay down here
Lay down beside me
Take off my mask & whisper that its me that you love
& that you wanna be my lover tonight
Baby I want to be yr lover tonight
EVERY LAST KISS
I swear this is the last time I stand at yr door
Throwing rocks at yr window like some amateur Romeo
I drove all this way so you should just let me in
After today I don’t ever wanna see you again
Meet me in the shadows to tonight
Every last kiss is gonna break yr heart
Every last kiss is gonna tear you apart
I don’t know much
But in love 1 & 1 = 3
You gotta give everything to get everything
I hope my slip of the tongue wasn’t the kiss of death
I said somethings last night that I don’t remember that you’ll never forget
I get a little dark sometimes
Every last kiss is gonna break yr heart
Every last kiss is gonna tear you apart
Someday I’m gonna make you mine
Gonna make love all of the time
Pretty soon we won’t have to hide
Until then you gotta kiss me goodbye
Every last kiss is gonna break yr heart
Every last kiss is gonna tear you apart
ANIMAL
“This never happens to me”
She said, “That’s not the first time that you’ve said that.”
“There’s other things that we can do,” I said
Trying so hard not be useless
“One of these saves lives,” she said
On the bed she laid a dildo and a bible
The words of Christ printed in red
Trapped inside my form is something spiritual
Why don’t you walk away?
Why don’t you be an animal?
Cuz in the jungle, there’s no masters
“This is my flesh. Eat of it,” she said
& then she offered herself to me
She became the object of my worship
Slowly & with ceremony
I attend the viewing of her body
She was easily identifiable
She anointed me with oils
Climbed on top of me
& so began the ritual
Why don’t you walk away?
Why don’t you be an animal?
Cuz in the jungle, there’s no masters
I will devote myself to thee
I’ll leave my home and family
You are the sacred feminine
All my prayers
Yr answering
Why don’t you walk away?
Why don’t you be an animal?
Cuz in the jungle, there’s no masters
Cuz in the jungle there’s no cancers
Cuz in the jungle, there are answers
MAKE BELIEVE YOU LOVE ME
When you walked out of the room
My heart was like an open wound
You disappeared & left me ruined
You made me think you loved me
It’s not the time that I regret
Not that I wish we’d never met
I only pray I can forget
You made me think you loved me
I was young
I was dumb
I was chasing both the thunder & the lightning
A good thing never lasts too long
A bad thing just goes on & on
I must admit now that yr gone
I make believe you love me
The greatest night I still believe
After decorating Christmas trees
You kissed me soft on Christmas Eve
& made me think you loved me
I was young
I was dumb
I was chasing both the thunder & the lightning
Last night I saw you standing there
You were completely unaware
Did you ever even care
you made me think you loved me?
I look at you & raise a glass
You turn around & then look back
To see the ghosts of lovers past
That you made think you loved them
I was young
I was dumb
I was chasing both the thunder & the lightning
SHE’S THE ONLY ONE
She’s the only one that gets me going
She’s the only one that knows my soul
She’s the only one that loves me tender
She’s the only one that makes me go slow
She’s the only one that feels my feelings
Burns down the temple when she hears my prayers
She’s the only one that gets me going
She’s the only one that gets me
She’s the only one
I want what I want
& I want it all
She’s the only one from now on
She’s the only one that gets me going
& I go wherever I want
She’s the only one that rings my bell
Call me Quasimodo
She’s the Notre Dame
She’s the only one that shakes my maraca
She’s the one that beats my tambourine
She’s the only one that breaks me open
She’s the only one that breaks me
She’s the only one
I want what I want
& I want it all
She’s the only one from now on
She’s Tina Turner on a motorcycle
She’s Corbet's “L’Origine de Monde”
She’s Duchamp's “Nude Descending a Staircase”
She’s the holy whore of Babylon
She’s Bernini’s “Ecstasy of St Teresa”
She’s everything I will never understand
The Queen of Sheba
She’s a Shiksa Goddess
She’s the full moon
I’m the wolf man
She’s the only one
I want what I want
& I want it all
I am what I am
What will be will be
It is what it is
What’s done is done
She’s the only one from now on
OM SHANTI
They buried me alive
Told me this was my initiation
I believe in magic
But I never claimed to be a good magician
Stuck me in a glass encasement
I was sentenced for the crime of misdirection
My expensive card trick came to mind
So I began my meditation
Om shanti shanti shanti
My sister visits weekly
Says all the shit that happens
Happens for a reason
To make a mental list of what I’m grateful for
To lift me from this feeling
I’m in love with everything
I’m in love with everything
I’m in love with everything
I’m in love with everything
I put a spell on you
Cuz baby I’m not blind
Om shanti shanti shanti
The public disasters of my private life
There’s nothing up my sleeves
I’ve got nothing to hide
Perhaps in this incarnation
My roll, it seems to me, is that of a failure
I’m the cautionary tale
A diorama in the museum of behavior
I’ve freed myself from chains
Sawed myself in half
But I never ever could quite perfect a true
vanishing act
The seance is tomorrow
This is your invitation
Om shanti shanti shanti